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(Which, as a reminder, doesn’t make them any less bi.) And a lot of trans people are in queer relationships that may appear heteronormative from the outside, too.So, the next time you see what appears to be a straight couple at the gay bar, keep in mind that queer couples come in all different combinations.She added that my boyfriend was really cute, but I didn’t have to worry because she was “super gay.” At the time, I was decked out in rainbow gear from head to toe and my boyfriend was wearing a t-shirt that said “Nobody knows I’m transgender.” I never outed my trans boyfriend (though he occasionally outed himself in these scenarios), but I didn’t really have the language I needed to out myself, either.Instead, I generally handled these frustrations by silently feeling sorry for myself. On the other hand, I was also well aware that my ability to pass as straight—both on my own and in the context of my relationship—earned me a certain amount of privilege, especially in the world beyond San Francisco.Like many bisexuals, my coming out was was drawn out and confusing.The first queer person I ever dated was a transgender man.Luckily, I found a label just flexible enough to fit me like a second skin: “Queer.” And as I explored my new home in San Francisco I made dozens of new friends who also all seemed to be queer.Eventually, though, my first queer love and I broke up—though we left on good terms.

(In truth, “bi” implies attraction to members of both one’s own and other genders).When we got together, he was nearing the end of a decade spent identifying as a butch lesbian.He had just begun to realize he might be trans, but hadn’t yet taken any outward steps toward transitioning. Until then, I had only ever dated straight, cisgender guys—something my new partner actually liked about me.According to Kristina Marusic at Slate: "The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only nine percent are in same-sex relationships." Which made me go: Really? I'm not arguing with the numbers, I'm just surprised the numbers are so... I assumed that, just based on how many people identify as straight, you would find the majority of bisexuals in straight relationships, but with a whopping 84 percent of them — it just seems too big of a percentage to be just that. "It goes back to societal 'norms,'" Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle." I think some would say it's easier to be in a straight relationship.

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